I'm just not happy right now. Which I say as way of an explanation. It's not something I expect anyone to fix, and I don't blame you if you don't even read it. I might even encourage you just to skip down to the recipe I'm going to share.
I feel trapped. Right now, I'm having a very hard time envisioning myself finishing my master's degree. Which is partially because I can't really think of a thesis topic. I've enjoyed what I've studied. Don't get me wrong, it's just that I feel absolutely no passion for it. None. And now that I'm interning in the actual subject of it, I've actually developed a strong distaste for some aspects of it. Plus the internship is causing me endless amounts of stress. I can't really go into the details of why, but every time I think about it my stomach is filled with acid butterflies and my hands get cold and clammy. I hate those two things, and they're not getting better, the feelings are just getting worse. Then combine the fact that with my sickness and the recent (read Sunday) throwing out my back I haven't been able to be into work as much as I'd planned (those chairs at work are so painful last time I went in with back pain it stretched on for weeks and weeks), the deadline when I was supposed to be done has been extended.
Why does sickness and injury make me feel like I'm a slacker? Do I expect too much of myself? Or too little? I feel like I'm failing by standards that I don't even buy into. Which is very frustrating.
It seems like there's no light at the end of this tunnel. I know it's there. It's just that I'm so caught up in seeing the problems in my life, I'm not seeing how they can be resolved. The transition to hope will come, and right now I have to trust I'll see the resolutions when I'm ready.
In the mean time, I'm really stressed.
*stomach flips*
My one redeeming grace for this four-month period is that I'm enrolled in a Literary Philosophy class on Knowledge. Which is beyond awesome. I feel like reading philosophy has filled this hole in me I didn't even know I had. But the problem with it is that I feel tongue tied. There are so many things I want to say and write about but because all of the hours that are consumed by my internship and two jobs I haven't had the time I wanted to spend on this class. Or the time I want to write about it here. Which is also causing stress.
And I'm really frustrated. I know I've whined about being busy in the past, and probably will again in the future, but I can't even begin to tell you how busy I am right now. It's okay. Things will come to and end. Eventually. I'll figure out a thesis topic. I'll figure out how to wrap up the project quickly.
*sigh* Sorry I'm such a downer today. My back really hurts, and I'm really frustrated.
If you've come this far into my whine you deserve a little reward. So I want to pass on an awesome recipe I found/made last week. It's for sausage and kale lasagna. I found it on
Delish, which is my new favorite recipe place.
I chose it because you don't have to layer it like a traditional lasagna. Plus, I LOVE kale.
Ingredients
- 12 ounce(s) spicy Italian sausage*, removed from casings and crumbled
- 2 large onions, halved and thinly sliced (4 cups)
- 1 bunch(es) (1 1/2 pounds) kale, thick stems removed
- 4 clove(s) garlic, minced
- Coarse salt and ground pepper
- 8 ounce(s) (about 9 noodles) lasagna noodles , each broken crosswise into 4 to 6 pieces
- 1 pint(s) cherry or grape tomatoes, halved
- 3 cup(s) part-skim ricotta cheese
- 1/2 cup(s) finely grated Parmesan cheese
*I used Mild Italian Chicken Sausage because of an allergy to beef and pork. I got it at Whole Foods.
Directions- Preheat oven to 400 degrees. In a 5-quart pot, cook sausage over medium heat, stirring often, until browned, about 5 minutes. Stir in onions; cover, and cook until softened, 5 minutes. Uncover; cook, stirring occasionally, until golden brown, 10 to 15 minutes. Add garlic; cook 2 minutes. Transfer to a large bowl.
- Add kale and 1/2 cup water to pot; season with salt and pepper. Cover; cook over medium-low heat, tossing occasionally, until tender, 10 to 15 minutes. Drain; coarsely chop. Transfer to bowl with onions.
- Meanwhile, cook noodles 2 minutes less than package instructions. Drain; rinse under cold water.
- Add noodles, tomatoes, and ricotta to the bowl; season with 1 1/2 teaspoons salt and 1/2 teaspoon pepper. Toss well. Pour into a 9-by-13-inch baking dish; smooth top with a spatula. Sprinkle with Parmesan (I also put a little in the filling). Bake until golden brown, about 40 minutes. Cool 10 minutes before serving.
This was seriously one of the best lasagnas I have ever had, and everyone who tried it had nothing but good things to say about it. It was time consuming to make and the kitchen was
covered in dishes, but I would definitely do it again.
One cool thing about Delish is that if you want to alter the number of people you are cooking for you can change the serving number and it will automatically alter the amounts in the recipe. The recipe above easily serves 8. If you want to alter the number for this recipe,
here it is.
Anyway, thanks for listening to me whine.
You'll have to tell me what you think of the recipe if you make it.
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