My first reaction was to be disappointed. Because I'm not in love with a fabulous guy, or even a semi-fabulous guy. Sorry bf, I just don't like you that much. JUST KIDDING. There is no bf.I thought about it though, and realized that there are a lot of people who are not in love. Either because they're too young, have never found someone, or maybe even because they married someone they like a lot but it's not a love match. Who knows? And just because they're not in love doesn't mean they should have an amazing life.
So, then, the love in the quote couldn't be exclusively for people who have someone to love in their life. It leaves too many people out of the equation.
And then it kind of dawned on me; I need to have love for the things I am committed to in order to enjoy my life.
And that's the problem right now. I just can't find love in my heart for the things I'm doing. I wake up everyday and I dread, dread, dread getting out of bed. There are just so many things. And they all want my attention. And mental commitment. And they all have deadlines. And there is just no joy in the deadlines.1
And among those things, I'm not taking any time to do anything that I really love. The things I used to find joy in feel like burdens. And when they ask more of me I just want to walk away. And the things that were escapes--like reading and exercise and even blogging--feel like frivolities. And I don't feel like I have the time for frivolities.
I have felt too busy to take any escapes for the last little while, and as a result I'm totally burnt out. And I just don't feel the love for my life I used to. And it's honestly never been this bad before. Which led me to write a few weeks ago about how unhappy I've been feeling lately. I guess though, that I expect times of unhappiness in life. I'm with Solomon when he wrote to everything there is a season. There are times of unhappiness, which just serve to punctuate the joy that can (and will again) come into life.
Last week, was pretty great though because I got to take a vacation from everything. The conference went really well, I'll do a little update about it soon. But then I woke up on Saturday absolutely dreading returning to my life.
That was the day I went to Disney World, so I told myself that I absolutely had to put that feeling off. I had to tell myself a few times that day. (I'm glad too.)
When I got to Disney World I felt like a kid again. I ran around, and skipped through the whole day. I haven't been that happy in a long time. When I called my parents, they remarked on how happy I sounded. Which just reinforced my opinion that I need to do things that make me happy. And are just fun and silly.
So my new goal is to relax a little. It's a lot harder than it sounds because I have a lot of deadlines coming due. But blogging this out is my first step to doing things that make me happy.
Next: MUST EXERCISE!
What are the things that you do in your life that make you happy?
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1Except for in my paper about the Schillerian aesthetic as reflected in Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. I can't tell you how excited I am to write that paper. I am a total dork, but I accept it and wear the dork flag proudly. But even the excitement I feel about that is being drained by everything else.
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